Now that you’ve watched the CEOs of the big three U.S. automakers plead with congress for “loans” to help them avoid bankruptcy… doesn’t it seem odd to see those same companies running happy-go-lucky “end-of-year-blowout” commercials.
It makes me think they’re even more out of touch than congress accuses them of being.
The 3 CEOs (wasn’t that the job-slashing robot from Star Wars?) insist that bankruptcy would be the death-knell to their company because, “Who’s going to buy a car from a bankrupt company?”
Oh, I don’t know… Probably the same group of NO ONE currently buying from car companies who pretend they aren’t on CNN begging for my tax dollars between “end-of-year blowout” commercials.
Is there a difference between buying a car from a company about to go bankrupt, rather than one that already is bankrupt? Either way you’re wondering exactly who will honor your awesome 10 year 100,000 mile service agreement if there no longer is a Ford Motor Company like it says on your papers.
If there has ever been a time for straight-talking car commercials, this is it.
The 3 CEOs should take a selling tip from Dan Hessey, CEO of Sprint and hire an excellent cinematographer to follow them around NYC and making us feel like they’d be a cool friend to have.
Maybe I’m gullible, but when I see multi-millionaire Dan Hessey sitting alone at a diner counter pondering the wonders of his blackberry, I secretly wish it was me he was texting. How cool would that be?
You’re sitting around one morning watching The View when your cell vibrates across the coffee table. It’s a text from Hessey: AT TRAIN CAR DINER BY CNTRL PK. BEST OMLTS IN TWN. TURN OFF WHOOPIE N MEET ME.
You text back: OMW.
He replies: WEAR GLVS. FKN COLD OUT.
Hessey seems like the kind of guy you can really talk to. Someone you could tell to spend a day or two looking into the atrocious customer service issues plaguing Sprint and spread some of that good guy vibe to all departments.
That’s just the kind of straight-talking commercial magic the 3 CEOs need. That and a logical reason to buy a new car from a collapsing company.
This one’s on me guys…
OPEN ON: A smiling Rick Wagoner leaning casually on his desk:
RW: “Hi. I’m GM CEO Rick Wagoner. As you may have noticed, we’ve pretty much screwed the pooch over here at GM.”
If you watch the news at all, you’ve seen me begging the government to loan us your money. This money is vital to our business. See, if we don’t get a few billion dollars this month, we’ll no longer be able to sell you cars.
Ironic isn’t it? Us begging for your tax dollars so we can stay open and sell you expensive cars? Seems kind of… backwards.
Which is why I’m proposing another solution. A solution that can put a new Cadillac in your driveway – almost free. That is, if you haven’t lost your house yet.
Since Washington is eager to avoid turning our assembly lines into unemployment lines, they’re likely to give us at least a few billion of your tax dollars. Which means you’ll soon be paying for us to make new cars. So, doesn’t it make sense that one of them provide a smooth, pleasant ride under your ass as you drive around town filling out job applications?
Of course it does. That’s why I want you to visit your local GM dealer anytime this week and take advantage of our “You Bought It, You Should Drive It” sales event.
Here’s the deal: This week only, we’ll put you in a new car at the regular price… And if congress approves the bailout, we’ll deduct your personal portion of those tax dollars from the price of your new GM. Good deal, right?
And here’s the greatest part… If they don’t approve giving us billions of your tax dollars, shit here goes apocalyptic and you won’t have to pay for your new car anyway!
So, you can see how this is a win-win situation for you. The only way you can lose is by not buying a new GM this week.
You’re welcome.”