Who Gets A Seat At Your Ultimate Dinner Party?

by Kevin

in Freelancing,Marketing

This 5-Minute Exercise Changed My Business In An Instant

Someone recently asked me how they could attract the “right people” to their sites online. They were concerned about the bad seeds, people who post your stuff on pirated sites, then ask for a refund, or are just haters by nature and are nothing but black clouds hovering your blog threads.

First of all, there’s no way to avoid these types completely. Who knows what kind of mutated gene causes them to spend their time stealing and tearing things down, but the good people — the people you want in your world, will recognize the rotted souls for what they are and ignore them – if you do.

It’s never worth wasting your time and mental energy or your tribe’s time on the haters. Attention is all they want anyway, and if you give it to them it’s like watering a gremlin. Just get good at monitoring, blocking and ignoring and that’ll be fine.

Much more importantly is the question: What types of people can I serve best?

Of course you want to attract people who…

1. Need what you’ve got to offer
2. Are willing to learn and work
3. Have money to spend

But for now, don’t focus on the logistics or the money you can make… just think about the TYPE OF PEOPLE you want to be around.

This exercise was taught to me by my friend Wendy Lipton-Dibner and it had an immediate impact on my business.

No exaggeration, after I did what I’m about to show you the future of my business went from this murky blob of random possibilities, to crystal clear focus.

In an instant I knew exactly…

A. Who I was to this market
B. How to stand out in my niche
C. Exactly the type of people I wanted to be around and could best serve

(I would of swore I knew the answers to those questions… but until I did this exercise, all I had was a vague notion.)

If you’ve never heard of Wendy, you’re in for an awakening. I’ve never met anyone as dynamic and dedicated to their “tribe” as she is.

I attended her event in February called “Move People To Action” and it changed my business forever.

First of all, she’s amazing to watch on stage. She held more than a hundred of us spellbound for four days straight. She never looked tired and I never felt tired.

This freaked me out because live training is physically and emotionally exhausting work. Usually when someone holds a smile on stage for even one full day, it’s because they’ve developed good enough acting skills to mask their fatigue. You catch them in the hall later and they’re unrecognizable, they look like zombies.

Yet, Wendy stayed and talked to everyone in the lobby for another hour every night after the gig. I asked her how she got through it, she said, “I love every minute of it. It fuels me.”

And that’s because she has very carefully chosen her tribe.

When she looks out into the crowd she sees only faces that inspire her. People that are there to take what she’s teaching and put it into action. And they get results (evident by the fact that she has a waiting list of people dying to get into her $20k plus mastermind group.)

How cool would it be to have that kind of following? To feel like you were writing to friends instead of your “list.”

There is a formula to it, and Wendy laid it all out over three days at her event.

But for me, it only took one of Wendy’s exercises to achieve that incredible Ah-ha! moment I mentioned a minute ago.

Wendy has given me permission to share her proprietary concept with you. And even though I can’t teach it as well as her, I’m going to walk you through the exercise with you and hope that if it does for you what it did for me. (If so please go thank Wendy on her Facebook page)

OK, here goes…

Step 1: Take out a blank sheet of paper (seriously, do it!)
Step 2: Draw a large circle, with twelve smaller circles around it. Nothing fancy, just quick and crude like this…

Step 3: Imagine this is the dinner table at your ultimate dinner party. You can invite any twelve people you want to this party, living or dead, and they are guaranteed to show.

It’s going to be the greatest dinner party of all time. Everyone will get along famously, the food will be perfect, the conversation will be lively, the night will end in one harmonious sing-along…

… and it’s all because of you – the star there at the top.

Step 4: Put initials on your twelve dinner guests like this…

Take a few minutes with this. Really think about the people who have had the most impact in your life.

As Wendy says: “Fill your table with 12 people who fascinate you, alive or dead, so the conversation all evening would be filled with everything that is important to you.. so much so that you would need to hire a caterer so you could stay out of the kitchen and be with your guests all night long.”

If you indulge in this and think a little about all these people, you’ll likely see a rich canvas of characters. My list includes, writers, plumbers, comedians, coaches and radio hosts.

Interestingly, I ended up filling most of my table with 12 of my greatest mentors (can you guess any by their initials?) Yours can be anyone you choose.

At the very least this is a great exercise in gratitude. It’s easy to forget how much living and learning has gone into getting us where we are now.

But, at best this exercise has the power to do something truly evolutional in your life and your biz

It provides a clear picture of the kind of person you can best serve. And that level of clarity can change your business overnight. It certainly did mine.

Here’s how…

When you look at that table and think about the people seated around you, what do you see as the common thread among them?

Are they all highly intelligent? Or funny? Do they face a common struggle? Have they leapt high hurdles to get where they are? Do they love the same music? Are they connoisseurs of art? Of literature? Of whiskey?

All twelve may not be connected by one thing, but if you look closely a theme will emerge.

When Wendy walked me through this exercise it took me about 2 minutes to see the commonality in my dinner guests.

They were all renegades. And they were all self made. Most had not been formally educated. None were ever or part of a fraternity or inherited a trust. More likely they inherited some bad traits and demons to overcome. And every one of them had worked like dogs and beaten the odds to pull greatness out of themselves to find their successes in life.

So, I knew instantly how to identify my tribe: Renegade Entrepreneurs.

This allowed me to create my perfect customer avatar and target my services and training to serve the people I understood best. And as importantly, the people who inspired me and I could in turn help create inspired results in their business.

I hope it’ll do the same for you and I’d love to hear your results.

Here again is my non-affiliate link to Wendy’s upcoming “Move People To Action” seminar on June 27-30 in Stamford, CT. It’s worth every bit of the $4,000 fee people paid when I attended, but Wendy is inspired to give very limited seats away for free this year. She’ll explain why on the site.

If you feel you have a message the world needs to hear and want to learn how to get it out there… make a big impact, and get paid very well every time you present it…

… then there is no one better I know to teach you than Wendy.

But, if the event is not a possibility, then I hope you’ll get something valuable from the 12 dinner guest exercise like I did.

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

All the best,


P.S. If you read this blog with any frequency you know I only gush with sincerity. Wendy really is this good.


Patricia BT May 31, 2013 at 2:50 pm

Hi Kevin

Funny! I welcome you to my table, just next to Eddie Vedder and a French stand-up comedian.

Thanks for this post, I’m in the process at the very moment.

Greetings from Switzerland

PS: didn’t guess any of yours

Kevin May 31, 2013 at 5:19 pm

I’m truly honored, Patricia. But good luck getting a second glass of wine seated next to Vedder, huh?

The French comic isn’t a mime, is he? Funny people, but lousy conversationalists.

Patricia BT May 31, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Ha no, the French comic (his name is Elie Semoun) is very talkative :)

I just realize that more than half of my 12 guests were either orphans as a kid, or abandoned by one of their parents! It’s weird that this exercise reveals that. I wish you are in the other half…

Lauren May 31, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Hmmm, I believe I may be your ideal customer avatar, go figure:)
I love this exercise. mine all have some funny things in common. They work really hard; against all odds to be successful, are obsessed with giving their wisdom to the world, are funny and spiritually operate on a whole other level.
I really want to be of service to these kinds of people. Very eye opening!

Tania Dakka June 1, 2013 at 9:51 am

I’m soo happy you learned this from Wendy, Kevin! And I’m even happier that you shared it! :)
I had drawn up my caricature last week, but looking at my guests, I might have mispegged her. Thanks for helping me hone her image! <3 You ROCK!

Antonio July 4, 2013 at 8:12 am

This is killer! I’m about to do this. I would also like to add that you could probably make this even more effective if you were to close your eyes and imagine sitting at the table and mentally step into each person.

Might help to model these folks even more.


Di Heuser July 10, 2013 at 7:56 am

Outstanding exercise. I just did it and ended up with 10 men and only 2 women on the list.
Bottom line, they are all people that dragged themselves up from nothing to becoming powerful influencers in society today.

My tribe is now the Maverick Motivators :)


c lee July 18, 2013 at 3:57 pm

brilliant post! thanks kevin and wendy!

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